So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
