He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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