dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude i'm inner monologue high
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
