It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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