i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
the raccoons are back...
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