It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
