That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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