WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
