There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
