dude i'm inner monologue high
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
