I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
