Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
