Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
