It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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