Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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