So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
