I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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