and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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