I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
