So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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