The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
