I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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