I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
