Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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