Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
