was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
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my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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