My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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