I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
