No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
