Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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