If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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