I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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