I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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