You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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