I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
