life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize