were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i will never coherently bang her
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
