this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I believe in your delicious
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
