Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
