I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
