Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
