So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
handjob tips. give me some.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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