god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
