A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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