Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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