This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
