the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
