Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
