I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Someone came in the potted fern
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
