im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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