I just pynch a tree in the face
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
did i walk over a car last night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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