I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
