a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
