we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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