i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
