Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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