i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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