she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
