I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
