Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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